The Crone of Cottonmouth County

Author's details

Date registered: September 6, 2012

Latest posts

  1. Retirement, Day 4: Crone visits hay barn with camera — October 16, 2015
  2. Lady of leisure — October 14, 2015
  3. Cattle bum me out — May 9, 2014
  4. Infestation du jour — April 18, 2014
  5. Pus-colored entities — April 17, 2014

Most commented posts

  1. Spinster aunt morphs into crone — 57 comments
  2. Blogging all my nowhere posts to nobody — 51 comments
  3. Crone holds forth on the horrors of re-riderdom — 38 comments
  4. Crone predicts own existential funk — 35 comments
  5. Crone flummoxed by feral cat — 31 comments

Author's posts listings

Oct 16

Retirement, Day 4: Crone visits hay barn with camera

My nieces, subscribing as always to Blake's assertion that originality is a romantic disease, have named it "Owlie." This photo doesn't adequately convey how tiny Owlie is. No more than 7 or 8 inches.

Yep-o, I’m back. It’s good to see you guys. Meanwhile, a thorough appreciation of the Slug Life still eludes me. As I mentioned last time, ever since Mickey, the new farm hand, took over the farm chores, I’ve been sort of flumpy. Without purpose. Like something is missing. Which is weird, because prior to having …

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Oct 14

Lady of leisure

The East Bunkhouse gleams in the morning sun.

It’s 7 AM. You know what I’m not doing right now? That’s right. I’m not feeding any horses. Not even one. That’s because at long last I’ve hired a farm hand. My 7-year search for a person who can tell the difference between a bog spavin and a shear bolt has finally ended. Mickey moved …

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May 09

Cattle bum me out

Yesterday Stingray and a couple of her friends drove out from Austin to help plant the monastrell vines. Happy day in the vineyard! La di da. The vines got planted, the friends got their picturesque day in the country, and everyone took a skinnydip in the swimmin’ hole (except me. No way do I ever …

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Apr 18

Infestation du jour

Paper wasps collected in a BugZooka tube were released after modeling in this photo shoot.

As I mentioned the other day, my life is a constant battle against assorted life forms united by the common goal of taking over my bunkhouse by any means necessary. Thus, for the second morning in a row, did I awaken to discover the mud room alive with dozens of paper wasps. It is always …

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Apr 17

Pus-colored entities

Well, it’s finally happened. And why wouldn’t it? Why wouldn’t my desk become infested with tiny pus-colored, speck-like entities that look like they’d be right at home inside a moth-eaten 100-year-old taxidermied jackalope? Frankly, I’m shocked that it took’em this long. Since I moved out here, nature’s indifference toward the personal sovereignty of H. sapiens …

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Mar 27

The crone and the post-hole sirens

Gate latch

Well, the horses got out. First, though: you know how horses are in the wind? Let me refresh your memory. There’s something about an ordinary, garden-variety tornadic gale that sends a horse plummeting into a sort of infinite feedback loop of blind terror. They prance around, their eyes look crazed, they snort and blow, they …

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Mar 25

Death in springtime

Many dreadful contingencies have obtained as a result of my having built a tall-ass horse barn, not the least of which is the decimation of the black-chinned hummingbirds. I don’t know if you know about hummingbirds. Well, let me enlighten you. They are complete freaks of nature. Their metabolism is extreme and ridiculous, necessitated by …

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Mar 24

Crone totally loses it

If there were some kind of contest for lack of rural aptitude, I would definitely own that thing. Guess what stupid thing I’ve done now. Did you guess “put in a vineyard in the Back Forty”? You’re right! You can’t just buy a few grape vines and stick’em in the ground, it turns out. Instead, …

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Jun 21

Death of a cistern


Like all recent mornings, there is, as I write this, a gigantic jackhammer jackhammering right outside my window. The jackhammer is destroying a 50,000 gallon underground concrete cistern. This cistern, constructed at great expense at the urging of my architect (“you’ve never tasted water so good!”), was meant to collect rainwater off the roof of …

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May 01

Horrible! I would totally wear these to a barn dance

Hoof boots

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