The Crone of Cottonmouth County

Author's details

Date registered: September 6, 2012

Latest posts

  1. Retirement, Day 4: Crone visits hay barn with camera — October 16, 2015
  2. Lady of leisure — October 14, 2015
  3. Cattle bum me out — May 9, 2014
  4. Infestation du jour — April 18, 2014
  5. Pus-colored entities — April 17, 2014

Most commented posts

  1. Spinster aunt morphs into crone — 57 comments
  2. Blogging all my nowhere posts to nobody — 51 comments
  3. Crone holds forth on the horrors of re-riderdom — 38 comments
  4. Crone predicts own existential funk — 35 comments
  5. Crone flummoxed by feral cat — 31 comments

Author's posts listings

Dec 04

Of cabin fever and deep-fried kale

No. 1 Quality deer-in-the-headlights iPhone food fotography: Verlasso salmon at Cafe Josie.

I got the heck off the farm last night. Whooo-wee! Away to Austin I did hie, to hook up with my erstwhile sidekick Stingray for a bite of dinner and a few glugs of the good stuff. And not a moment too soon. My cabin fever was reaching critical mass. After pulling hay out of …

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Dec 03

Chronic affliction blows crone’s lobe

Everything a crone needs to combat oozing lumpomas.

By the shaking jumping ghost of Jehosaphat (by which oath crones occasionally swear when they’ve already yagged out “god fucking dammit to hell are you fucking kidding me” about 67 times and are then inclined toward a brief, restful phase of ironic 19th-century folksiness), I tell you I can’t stand it another minute. By gum. …

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Dec 02

The tale of the infuriating handyman

Infuriating handyman emerges from some dreadful attic.

Winter. It shouldn’t be allowed. Sure, at the moment it’s 80 degrees and I’m flitting about the farm in a pair of sporty Bermudas, but then again it’s only December. An epic freeze of 35, 34, maybe even 32 degrees (the horror!) is in my future, and I shudder to think. See, there are about …

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Nov 29

You can take the wine out of the crone, but eventually you’re gonna have to put it back in

Of the many little methods by which the shriveling of civilization inflicts itself on a crone living way the hell out here, perhaps none is as painful as the jangling pang occasioned by the wine cellar running dry. As inconceivable as it may seem to you, gentle reader, the closest drinkable bot is a full …

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Nov 25

Crone doesn’t rule out becoming turkey-brothers with feral cat

Lest I be accused of insufficient cat blogging — I think it is an Internetian misdemeanor when a blogger can be demonstrated to have access to a cat and yet cat-blogs not — here is the latest photo of Smudge. Smudge is the name I’ve given to the feral cat who’s been hanging around here …

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Nov 25

Crone keeps hanging out on Savage Death Island

No sooner do I abandon my perfectly defunct patriarchy blaming blog in order to focus on A Crone’s Natural History Adventures in the Hinterland, than I start patriarchy blaming again. My genetic blamer mutation will not be denied, I guess. Clearly I have yet to work a few kinks out of the system. Well, until …

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Nov 24

Crone’s remarks on turkey-pardoning take a patriarchy-blaming turn

No one was more surprised than I when it was discovered that misogynist celebrity self-promotion vehicle PETA and I have a peeve in common. I allude to the annual heartwarming presidential pardoning of the Thanksgiving turkeys. PETA is against it because it “makes light of the mass slaughter of some 46 million gentle, intelligent birds.” …

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Nov 19

Pink apocalypse (Apinkalypse) part 957

cancerhorse

Shoptivism. That’s when people who have a little too much breast cancer awareness buy crap with pink ribbons all over it. Thanks to the awareness-behemoth Komen Foundation, there isn’t a soul anywhere in the known universe who isn’t aware as all get-out. Well, let me clarify. Hardly anybody is aware that Komen, in all its …

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Nov 18

Hella-sharp stickleburrs totally bum crone out

Just once I would like to take a simple stroll in the woods without having to pull about 657 of these flippin things out of the dogs’ paws. Extraction is grim affair the chief characteristics of which are blood and agony, for all parties. On the upside, I’m hatching a plan to make a little …

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Nov 17

Stella takes it in the teeth

I thought I might go a week without a veterinary encounter of the third kind. Ha! Just as I was burrowing into the couch with crone-appropriate shawl over my shoulders and a big steaming bowl of jambalaya in my lap, my hateful iPhone chirped the news that it was time for Stella’s 6-month dental checkup. …

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