Category Archive: Complaints About the Weather

Mar 27

The crone and the post-hole sirens

Gate latch

Well, the horses got out. First, though: you know how horses are in the wind? Let me refresh your memory. There’s something about an ordinary, garden-variety tornadic gale that sends a horse plummeting into a sort of infinite feedback loop of blind terror. They prance around, their eyes look crazed, they snort and blow, they …

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Apr 05

Crone rides for 37 seconds

Man, I always thought it might come to this, and sure enough, it has. I have to complete an endurance ride on a loony Arabian to win a bet. The situation could not be more rife with potentially hilarious hijinx. For example, I don’t know jack about endurance. In fact, I can barely endure getting …

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Feb 26

Of Fitbits and horse spits

The object in the photo is my recent Fitbit. If you aren’t familiar with the self-tracking craze that’s sweeping the nation, and I sincerely hope you aren’t, the word “Fitbit” will mean nothing to you. I regret to say that Fitbit is a little electronic pedometer that you put in your pocket, whereupon it tracks …

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Dec 11

Blogging all my nowhere posts to nobody

Homespun text banter with the president of my ISP

My brain used to be a Size 10, but all that carrying-on in the 80s and 90s shriveled it down to about a Size 2. Thus it’s not uncommon for me to come down with blogular amnesia. By which I mean, I just completely forget I have a blog. Sometimes for days on end. I …

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Dec 08

Crone clenches fists, hollers “noooooo!”

With my love's picture then my eye doth feast.

There are many aspects of country life that remind me of a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. And then there are those that flat-out shoot an electric current of unmitigated terror straight into my amygdala. Water is one of those. Damn you, water! There either isn’t any because of the drought, or …

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Dec 04

Of cabin fever and deep-fried kale

No. 1 Quality deer-in-the-headlights iPhone food fotography: Verlasso salmon at Cafe Josie.

I got the heck off the farm last night. Whooo-wee! Away to Austin I did hie, to hook up with my erstwhile sidekick Stingray for a bite of dinner and a few glugs of the good stuff. And not a moment too soon. My cabin fever was reaching critical mass. After pulling hay out of …

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Dec 02

The tale of the infuriating handyman

Infuriating handyman emerges from some dreadful attic.

Winter. It shouldn’t be allowed. Sure, at the moment it’s 80 degrees and I’m flitting about the farm in a pair of sporty Bermudas, but then again it’s only December. An epic freeze of 35, 34, maybe even 32 degrees (the horror!) is in my future, and I shudder to think. See, there are about …

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Oct 27

Icy fingers of dawn choke Crone

What, you ask, could today’s melanbucolica possibly be? Well, I’ll tell you. It’s the depressing morning raincloud sky, coupled with the season’s inexplicably having bloinked from summer straight into winter literally overnight. As I lay in bed curling a wrinkled lip at the grim panorama, the icy purgatorial skidsteer of doom crashed through my window …

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