Category Archive: Expensive

Mar 24

Crone totally loses it

If there were some kind of contest for lack of rural aptitude, I would definitely own that thing. Guess what stupid thing I’ve done now. Did you guess “put in a vineyard in the Back Forty”? You’re right! You can’t just buy a few grape vines and stick’em in the ground, it turns out. Instead, …

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Jun 21

Death of a cistern

jackhammer

Like all recent mornings, there is, as I write this, a gigantic jackhammer jackhammering right outside my window. The jackhammer is destroying a 50,000 gallon underground concrete cistern. This cistern, constructed at great expense at the urging of my architect (“you’ve never tasted water so good!”), was meant to collect rainwater off the roof of …

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Mar 03

Deep subject

It’s here! My Katadyn water filter is here! And not a moment too soon. I was getting a little thirsty. Surely you’ve been transfixed — you’re only human, after all — with my ongoing water troubles. You will no doubt recall that I am in the process of switching my water source from rainwater collection …

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Feb 20

Nary a drop to drink

Shall I speak to you of rainwater collection? Hear ye my sorrowful lament. The story begins in 2005 at the offices of Jagoff & Pretentsio, my architects. The bunkhouse was still on the drawing board, glowing with the promise of my future contentment. We all gathered around the drawings, sipping lattes.* “You’re gonna love your …

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Feb 15

Hay there

We were down to about 20 bales and I was starting to get nervous. An empty hay barn is a dispiriting spectacle. No crone can rest easy in a hay vacuum. Two years ago, as a result of the worst drought since the dawn of time, you couldn’t get a flake of hay in Cottonmouth …

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Nov 19

Pink apocalypse (Apinkalypse) part 957

cancerhorse

Shoptivism. That’s when people who have a little too much breast cancer awareness buy crap with pink ribbons all over it. Thanks to the awareness-behemoth Komen Foundation, there isn’t a soul anywhere in the known universe who isn’t aware as all get-out. Well, let me clarify. Hardly anybody is aware that Komen, in all its …

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Nov 17

Stella takes it in the teeth

I thought I might go a week without a veterinary encounter of the third kind. Ha! Just as I was burrowing into the couch with crone-appropriate shawl over my shoulders and a big steaming bowl of jambalaya in my lap, my hateful iPhone chirped the news that it was time for Stella’s 6-month dental checkup. …

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