Category Archive: Heartwarming Nature Crap

Oct 16

Retirement, Day 4: Crone visits hay barn with camera

My nieces, subscribing as always to Blake's assertion that originality is a romantic disease, have named it "Owlie." This photo doesn't adequately convey how tiny Owlie is. No more than 7 or 8 inches.

Yep-o, I’m back. It’s good to see you guys. Meanwhile, a thorough appreciation of the Slug Life still eludes me. As I mentioned last time, ever since Mickey, the new farm hand, took over the farm chores, I’ve been sort of flumpy. Without purpose. Like something is missing. Which is weird, because prior to having …

Continue reading »

Apr 18

Infestation du jour

Paper wasps collected in a BugZooka tube were released after modeling in this photo shoot.

As I mentioned the other day, my life is a constant battle against assorted life forms united by the common goal of taking over my bunkhouse by any means necessary. Thus, for the second morning in a row, did I awaken to discover the mud room alive with dozens of paper wasps. It is always …

Continue reading »

Apr 17

Pus-colored entities

Well, it’s finally happened. And why wouldn’t it? Why wouldn’t my desk become infested with tiny pus-colored, speck-like entities that look like they’d be right at home inside a moth-eaten 100-year-old taxidermied jackalope? Frankly, I’m shocked that it took’em this long. Since I moved out here, nature’s indifference toward the personal sovereignty of H. sapiens …

Continue reading »

Mar 25

Death in springtime

Many dreadful contingencies have obtained as a result of my having built a tall-ass horse barn, not the least of which is the decimation of the black-chinned hummingbirds. I don’t know if you know about hummingbirds. Well, let me enlighten you. They are complete freaks of nature. Their metabolism is extreme and ridiculous, necessitated by …

Continue reading »

Apr 09

Post-Traumatic Snake Disorder

Last week, as is my daily habit, I took my dogs on a little nature hike around the rancho. A jolly, carefree crone left the bunkhouse that day, but a broken woman returned. Why? Well, we don’t call it Dreadful Acres for nothing. I allude, of course, to another close encounter of the venomous kind …

Continue reading »

Feb 12

Manure, hair dye, and more beetles

Carried off on a wave of enthusiasm for beetles, yesterday I posted these photos in the comments. Considering their sheer gaudiness, the notion of promoting these handsome bugs to the front page suggested itself. This is a rainbow scarab, notable not only for its ginormous prong and iridescent awesomeness, but for its taste for horse …

Continue reading »

Feb 11

Fig. 17. Unexpected longhorned beetle, 1.5″ excluding antennae

When you live in the country it’s more or less a foregone conclusion that on a daily basis you’ll be forced to look at things that bum you out. For example, it’s a pretty painful tableau when you’re about to slice onions and you reach for the trusty mandoline, but suddenly, blamm! A big-ass beetle …

Continue reading »

Dec 06

Deep thoughts

When pondering the episode of the dead turkey vulture in the driveway, it is difficult to avoid the central question: why aren’t there dead turkey vultures galore all over the place? I ask because the atmosphere above Dreadful Acres is pretty thick with these birds. Most days you can’t even see the sky for all …

Continue reading »

Nov 18

Hella-sharp stickleburrs totally bum crone out

Just once I would like to take a simple stroll in the woods without having to pull about 657 of these flippin things out of the dogs’ paws. Extraction is grim affair the chief characteristics of which are blood and agony, for all parties. On the upside, I’m hatching a plan to make a little …

Continue reading »

Oct 31

Crone is ma’am-o-grammed by hog-trappin’ cowboy

So Crone, you say, what’s doin’ down at the good old manure pile? Behold a couple of feral hogs, caught in a hog trap. The trap was set, and the photo taken, at the manure pile by my excellent barn contractor and fellow Cottonmouth Countian, Travis. Travis isn’t his real name, I confess. His real …

Continue reading »

Older posts «