Category Archive: Heartwarming Nature Crap

Oct 24

Spinster aunt morphs into crone

Greetings, patriarchy blamers.* It’s really good to see you all again. Probably you’re wondering what the fuck, so: I’m just gonna say it: I just don’t feel like writing about prostitution, abortion, pornography, FGM, high heels, or shitbag straight dudes anymore. IBTP has been an enormously gratifying and edumuckational endeavor, but let’s face it. Patriarchy …

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Oct 23

Crone runs out of Benadryl spray

One might imagine that, in an extreme drought such as the one that has plagued the picturesque Texas Hill Country lo these past several years, mosquitoes would be pretty thin on the ground. Well, that might be true for rural acreages where knuckleheads have not installed miles of gutters and drainpipes that never fully divest …

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Oct 21

Crone hears screams, discovers horrific tableau

Another day, another disturbing new nature fact! Here’s what you learn when you poke around the carport in search of the source of an unfamiliar and alarming squealing sound: Patch-nose snakes eat leopard frogs alive. It takes a while for the snake to swallow the whole frog. During the process the fully-conscious frog screams in …

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Oct 21

Crone flummoxed by feral cat

Feral cat of unknown origin sticks tongue out at the cronal hand that feeds it.

I always knew this day would come. A feral cat has slunk its way into the menagerie here at Dreadful Acres. All manner of varmints — the spiny, the scaly, those with and without canine teeth, or skeletons, or hide, or hair — maintain a disconcertingly constant presence in and around the Cronal Compound. This …

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