Category Archive: Ruinous Disasters

May 09

Cattle bum me out

Yesterday Stingray and a couple of her friends drove out from Austin to help plant the monastrell vines. Happy day in the vineyard! La di da. The vines got planted, the friends got their picturesque day in the country, and everyone took a skinnydip in the swimmin’ hole (except me. No way do I ever …

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Apr 09

Post-Traumatic Snake Disorder

Last week, as is my daily habit, I took my dogs on a little nature hike around the rancho. A jolly, carefree crone left the bunkhouse that day, but a broken woman returned. Why? Well, we don’t call it Dreadful Acres for nothing. I allude, of course, to another close encounter of the venomous kind …

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Mar 03

Deep subject

It’s here! My Katadyn water filter is here! And not a moment too soon. I was getting a little thirsty. Surely you’ve been transfixed — you’re only human, after all — with my ongoing water troubles. You will no doubt recall that I am in the process of switching my water source from rainwater collection …

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Feb 20

Nary a drop to drink

Shall I speak to you of rainwater collection? Hear ye my sorrowful lament. The story begins in 2005 at the offices of Jagoff & Pretentsio, my architects. The bunkhouse was still on the drawing board, glowing with the promise of my future contentment. We all gathered around the drawings, sipping lattes.* “You’re gonna love your …

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Dec 08

Crone clenches fists, hollers “noooooo!”

With my love's picture then my eye doth feast.

There are many aspects of country life that remind me of a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. And then there are those that flat-out shoot an electric current of unmitigated terror straight into my amygdala. Water is one of those. Damn you, water! There either isn’t any because of the drought, or …

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Nov 07

Ginger Rogers afflicted

Well, it’s official. Ginger Rogers has onchocerciasis. That’s right. Parasitic worms living in the connective tissue in her neck — and may I say holy shit — have migrated to her umbilicus and are causing a crusty, weepy edema about the size of a grapefruit. Shoot me now. ___________ Photo: Ginger Rogers’ swollen belly button …

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Nov 04

Why horses suck: Reason #174

This is my fat hunter, Ginger Rogers. Before coming to Dreadful Acres, Ginger Rogers lived in boarding barns her whole life. She was incarcerated with no turnout and got fed according to the industry standard, two times a day. This funky situation, combined with her natural alpha-mare charm, encouraged her to develop food aggression. This …

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