Category Archive: Unsettling

Apr 17

Pus-colored entities

Well, it’s finally happened. And why wouldn’t it? Why wouldn’t my desk become infested with tiny pus-colored, speck-like entities that look like they’d be right at home inside a moth-eaten 100-year-old taxidermied jackalope? Frankly, I’m shocked that it took’em this long. Since I moved out here, nature’s indifference toward the personal sovereignty of H. sapiens …

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Mar 27

The crone and the post-hole sirens

Gate latch

Well, the horses got out. First, though: you know how horses are in the wind? Let me refresh your memory. There’s something about an ordinary, garden-variety tornadic gale that sends a horse plummeting into a sort of infinite feedback loop of blind terror. They prance around, their eyes look crazed, they snort and blow, they …

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May 01

Horrible! I would totally wear these to a barn dance

Hoof boots

Apr 21

Sunday cat blogging

Well, just when the whole animal situation here at Dreadful Acres was starting to function like a well-oiled machine, boom! A cat incident. I should point out that, although I am a crone, my familiarity with cats is but fragmentary. This is counter-intuitive, I realize, but rest assured I am working assiduously to bring my …

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Feb 11

Fig. 17. Unexpected longhorned beetle, 1.5″ excluding antennae

When you live in the country it’s more or less a foregone conclusion that on a daily basis you’ll be forced to look at things that bum you out. For example, it’s a pretty painful tableau when you’re about to slice onions and you reach for the trusty mandoline, but suddenly, blamm! A big-ass beetle …

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Feb 05

Crone predicts own existential funk

So much has transpired since last I remembered that I had a blog, it’s ridiculous. But don’t worry. I won’t bore you with any of it. Suffice it to say that it was all dreadful. However, I can’t resist posting a couple of pictures. Observe the new Dreadful Acres barn, approaching (but never attaining) a …

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Dec 06

Deep thoughts

When pondering the episode of the dead turkey vulture in the driveway, it is difficult to avoid the central question: why aren’t there dead turkey vultures galore all over the place? I ask because the atmosphere above Dreadful Acres is pretty thick with these birds. Most days you can’t even see the sky for all …

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Nov 17

Stella takes it in the teeth

I thought I might go a week without a veterinary encounter of the third kind. Ha! Just as I was burrowing into the couch with crone-appropriate shawl over my shoulders and a big steaming bowl of jambalaya in my lap, my hateful iPhone chirped the news that it was time for Stella’s 6-month dental checkup. …

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Nov 02

Overheard on the construction site


The scene: a couple of dude carpenters in their early 30s are shooting nail guns into barn rafters 25 feet up. Distorted Christian rock blares from overdriven radio speakers in nearby Ford F-150. Texan Carpenter A: Marilyn Manson actually really scares me. Texan Carpenter B: Whoa, I know! He’s a freak. A: You know who …

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Oct 31

Crone is ma’am-o-grammed by hog-trappin’ cowboy

So Crone, you say, what’s doin’ down at the good old manure pile? Behold a couple of feral hogs, caught in a hog trap. The trap was set, and the photo taken, at the manure pile by my excellent barn contractor and fellow Cottonmouth Countian, Travis. Travis isn’t his real name, I confess. His real …

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