Oct 23

Crone runs out of Benadryl spray

One might imagine that, in an extreme drought such as the one that has plagued the picturesque Texas Hill Country lo these past several years, mosquitoes would be pretty thin on the ground.

Tiger mosquitoWell, that might be true for rural acreages where knuckleheads have not installed miles of gutters and drainpipes that never fully divest themselves of aqueous stagnation, and also cisterns with lids that cannot be made airtight for love or money. However, it is not true of Dreadful Acres. Apparently mistaking me for a crone whose life’s golden dream was to contract West Nile virus, the wacky, mosquito-happy contractors who built this joint spared no effort to ensure that their favorite bugs could breed even when it hasn’t rained for 3 years and there is no standing water for 227 miles. Thus turning the Dreadful Acres bunkhouse into an uninhabitable hellhole of itchy infestation and life-threatening pestilence.

Normally I’m just a lovable old softie when it comes to the various invertebrates that infest the home. I catch-and-release scorpions, for crying out loud. But even crones have their limits. I’m afraid I must draw the line at stinging disease vectors that raise, on average, 23 welts on my person whenever I so much as crack open the door to catch a whiff of this bracing country air I moved all the way the hell out here to breathe.

I smushed this goddam bug with my bare hands and I’d do it again.


  1. Edie

    Mosquitoes are the only animal you’re allowed to feed or kill in any national park here in the US.

    For what it’s worth, they left me alone when I started taking B complex vitamins.

    All the best,

  2. Ruby Lou

    My only encounter, praise God, with a scorpion also resulted in a catch-and-release outcome. That was after I let out a scream so blood-curdling my cat Smokey hid under the bed for the rest of the night. He’s the one who dragged the scorpion in the house in the first place.

    Mosquitos are a pain in the behind. Isn’t there anything you can put in the water to discourage mosquitos without also discouraging other more agreeable forms of life?

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