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Nov 11

CroneTalk with Clem and Lester

Self-portrait with horse groinClem: Hey, have you seen the Crone anywhere?

Lester: She’s not pulling a deer out of the dog’s throat?

Clem: Not since this morning.

Lester: Is she battling an incursion of vibrating daddy longlegs over at the loafing shed?

Clem: If so, the spiders won, because she’s not there now.

Lester: Daddy longlegs aren’t spiders.

Clem: What are they, then? Swans? Brie cheeses? Opiliones?

Lester: Your subscription to BugGuide.net finally pays off. Might she be trapped, perhaps, in a hay bale avalanche up at the hay barn?

Clem: Naturally that was the first place I looked.

Lester: Have you checked the groin of that chestnut mare?

Clem: How’s that?

Lester: That chestnut mare’s groin. If she’s not chasing the meth-trailer kids out of the pond or shaking her fist at feral hogs, she’s got her head stuck up that mare’s bidness.

Clem: Thanks for the tip!

Lester: Not at all.

Clem: Catch a beer later?

Lester: Absolutely. I’ve gotta drunk-drive the tractor into the side of the house and hit the Crone up for repair bills and medical expenses anyway.

Clem: Shall we say beer-thirty?

Lester: Indubitably!

8 comments

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  1. monsterzero

    When is beer-thirty anyway? I have a need to know.

  2. Jezebella

    You might oughta check out this petition to see if Clem, Lester, and Travis are all planning to secede from the union:

    https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/peacefully-grant-state-texas-withdraw-united-states-america-and-create-its-own-new-government/BmdWCP8B

    …and then consider your exit strategy.

  3. c2t2

    The idyllic rural life sounds fantastic.
    Looking forward to a heartwarming video of pus/parasite draining.

    Anyway, I recognise the daddy longlegs, wild hogs, and mare-groin references, but the meth trailer, deer/dog, and haybale events don’t ring a bell. Did one of the dogs actually manage to catch a deer this time? Shame it wasn’t another skunk.

  4. Ol-Lozy Ram

    Ha Ha. Thought Lester said in-DUBYA-tably for a little bit, until I cleaned the dog spit from my glasses. Felt just like Molly was back around. She would have loved this week’s schadenfreude.

    Is there one freakin’ decent Vet in all of Texas? I fired mine two weeks ago for refusing to refill the dog’s heartworm tablet. (Which I buy from the idiot just to be nice since I can get generic ivermectin from Amazon for a fraction of the cost) The moron just lost a ton of income trying to rip me off for a $30 blood test.

    All fingers crossed for Ginger’s rapid improvement.
    That barn is gorgeous. Have patience woman, Rome wasn’t built in a day 😉

  5. Ruby Lou

    Bug lore! A kick-booty bug site! You rock as usual!

  6. Jezebella

    Beer-thirty is the fine tradition of deciding it is high time for a beer. Beer o’clock is when you’re ready for one, beer-thirty is when it’s past time for a beer, but you’re finally getting around to it.

    Is this just a Southern thing? Who knew?

  7. Kitty Von Kittykins

    Beer-thirty, pus, and cats. I’m totes feeling this blog. I liked the other one but it often depressed me and the comments section made me want to cry.

    I love Dreadful Acres! It’s like visiting a farm without having to actually go there, which is nice because I’m from the city and I don’t like farms. At least not in person.

  8. Comradde PhysioProffe

    What the fucken fucke is HAYGAIN?

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