Surely you’ve been transfixed — you’re only human, after all — with my ongoing water troubles. You will no doubt recall that I am in the process of switching my water source from rainwater collection to the ag well up at the barn. The effort is to ensure that the liquid emitted by the bunkhouse taps will more closely resemble water than birdshit tea.
The switch was supposed to have been accomplished a week ago. Well, the well guy who was gonna lay all the pipes and install all the water softeners and switch out all the incompatible pumps that my incompetent ex-farmhand installed, etc, this well guy suddenly declared that the project could not proceed until I built a new goddam well house.
I admit that, like any self-respecting crone who perceives that efforts are underway to separate her from a further couple of thousand bucks, my first impulse was to sock this chumpass motherfucker in the neck. Fortunately I was able to compose myself to the extent that I only kicked a little horse shit on his boots.
Apparently this new pumpy, water-softeny equipment is as frail as a hot-house orchid, and requires more luxurious accommodations than I had previously anticipated. The old well house (OK, it wasn’t a house so much as a rusty metal roof tacked on to a few listing cedar posts, and OK, it did more or less collapse during the recent wind storm) must go! A new, state-of-the-art water-condo must take its place.
So now construction is underway. No expense will be spared. Cha-ching. The new water-condo will have charming Hill Country views, cable internet, and HBO.
Meanwhile, as we await with pursed, parched, and bloodless lips the glorious day when the well goes finally online, the bunkhouse is still on rainwater. Undrinkable rainwater that is tainted, I say again, tainted with handyman toe-jam and putrefying dead rat. Thus requiring emergency measures in the shape of the aforementioned Katadyn filter. As seen on TV! (in documentaries about natural disasters), this is the same professional-strength apparatus taken by aid workers to the globe’s most notable earthquakes, tsunamis, famines, and refugee camps. It will filter out any pathogen larger than .2 microns. Theoretically it will even make my creek water drinkable. However, I remain cautiously
phobic skeptical. I respect the rights of germs as much as the next crone, but you’ll be prying my Clorox eye-dropper from my cold dead hand; you know there’s hanta virus and malaria and ebola all up in that shit.
Thanks again to thoughtful reader Tarr for hipping me to the Katadyn. You have saved me and the dogs from certain dessication.