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Nov 18

Hella-sharp stickleburrs totally bum crone out

Just once I would like to take a simple stroll in the woods without having to pull about 657 of these flippin things

Pointy-ass flora

out of the dogs’ paws. Extraction is grim affair the chief characteristics of which are blood and agony, for all parties.

On the upside, I’m hatching a plan to make a little extra dough-re-mi by figuring out how to weaponize’em.

Actual size: about 5mm in diameter.

19 comments

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  1. Comradde PhysioProffe

    Get your dogge some fucken boots!!

    http://www.ruffwear.com/dog_boots

  2. Ruskii

    Now I’m wondering why our dogs don’t get them on their feet. We live in a town that floods every year and all the houses have a huge (for being right across from Main Street, anyway) plot for vegetable gardening along the creek that might as well be burr farms in the winter. I was stubbornly against shoes as a kid and remember how careful I had to walk once I got past the yard heading out there. The walker coonhound especially loves running out there.

  3. janna

    My dad lives out in the country (here in Colorado) and he has a layer of those burrs over every walk-able inch of his land. The last time I visited him, I left with a crust of those burrs entirely covering the soles of my Birkenstocks and all four of my car’s tires.

    In conclusion, I hate those things.

    Whenever I think, “The country seems nice and peaceful”, I encounter horrible burrs, enormous arthropods, or something else that causes me to flee back to the city in terror.

  4. Jezebella

    Ye Comrade beat me to the punch. And be sure to take video the first time you the booties on them. It will be hilarious.

  5. wondering

    Damn. They grow some nasty stickleburrs in them thar parts. Nature’s caltrops, I guess.

  6. Helen

    My brother has a Dreadful Acre in Mirboo North, which is in SE Australia. He used to have a little pomeranian thing – not my style at tll, but he did love the little fellow, who tottered about until the age of 17 or something like that. He’s been talking about getting another dog which, you guessed it, he wants to be as similar to little deceased Pat the Dog as possible. I’m trying to enlist friends and family to convince him to get a shorthair – the poor little future dog will be a mass of burrs, ticks, thorns and biting critters if it has a long fluffy coat.

  7. gingerest

    Wondering, I am pretty sure that caltrops are the human’s version of stickleburrs – horses and other critters have been stepping on sharp crap for longer than caltrops have been around, ancient weapons though they are. Which I guess means you’re right, they’ve been weaponized for a long time.

  8. Amber

    Musher’s Secret paw wax should help but the smell takes some getting used to.

  9. Val

    My lil’ terrier mix picks up cockleburs on her face (the rest of her furry bod is shaved but obviously need to shave her face/head as well) – so our evening routine includes picking n’ screaming as well. Usually bloodless.

  10. wondering

    @gingerest: Let me put it this way: I live in Canada and the burrs we have around here, while annoying and clingy, don’t look half as scary as that when magnified. (Please tell me that is magnified. I mean, I’m assuming it is, but maybe it is even more monstrous than I thought.)

  11. The Crone of Cottonmouth County

    It’s tiny, but evil. The spines are literally needle-sharp, like hypodermic-class sharp. And there are a lot of’em on one burr, so when you try to pull it out it just embeds itself in your finger. The second a dog steps on one she’s three-legged lame. Between these and the mosquitoes, life in the country ain’t hardly worth livin. Except that it is.

  12. tinfoil hattie

    I’m envisioning a home-fashioned RapeX sort of weapon, since in the U.S., the original, real RapeX was immediately declared illegal in all 50 states and on a federal level, before the prototype was even built.

  13. The Crone of Cottonmouth County

    Tinfoil Hattie, you and I are two hearts that beat as one.

  14. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    Gah, ours are only a minor nuisance compared with those things. Why are all the plants in Texas defensive and terrifying?

  15. The Crone of Cottonmouth County

    Why are all the plants in Texas defensive and terrifying?

    They are required by Texas law to comply with the lyrics of the song “Deep in the Heart of Texas (Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap),” of which an excerpt reads “The Texas plants/ Are hard on pants/ (clap-clap-clap-clap)/ Deep in the heart of Texas.”

  16. quixote

    Harrumph-rmph. You young people don’t know when to be thankful. You could have puncture weed, which can go through tires. They don’t need -izing to be weapons. (Yes, I have stepped on one. After that I got very very careful.)

  17. Mary

    These are the WORST! Blah

  18. tinfoil hattie

    Well, Jill, I learned so very well from a famous spinster aunt ’round these here internet parts. I always tell folk – quite fondly, mind you – that she ruined my life.

  19. That Girl

    You can just think with every stick that this wonderful plant was the inspiration for Velcro, If you’re inclined to look on the bright side of painful annoyance.

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