After 31 years yukking it up in the city, I moved to the Texas Hill Country in a pathos-encrusted effort to reclaim my lost idyllic rural childhood.
Since then the things I've seen would fry your eggs.
Country life is a cascade of awesome horrors emanating from every puff of wildfire smoke, every coyote chorus, every distant rifle shot cracking through the drought, every rogue donkey falling into the pool. It doesn't kill me, it doesn't make me stronger, it just makes me ... the Crone of Cottonmouth County. With hilarious results!