As I mentioned the other day, my life is a constant battle against assorted life forms united by the common goal of taking over my bunkhouse by any means necessary. Thus, for the second morning in a row, did I awaken to discover the mud room alive with dozens of paper wasps. It is always disappointing to entertain flying, stinging insects before coffee, but one must soldier on. I cannot fathom how these wasps are getting in, but I do know how they’re getting out. I’m suckin’em up with my BugZooka, baby.The BugZooka is a child’s toy I found online. It’s a long plastic tube with a bellows on one end and a bug-catching nozzle on the other. You squeeze the bellows, lock it in place, position the nozzle within an inch of the bug, and press the release button. The bellows instantly inflate, sucking the bug into a little escape-proof compartment. This contraption may look dorky, but it is superior to a rolled-up newspaper because it doesn’t kill the bug, so you can release it back into the wild or, in the case of the venomous brown recluse spider, explain that it’s nothing personal but you’re gonna have to stomp it.
Also, the BugZooka won’t leave a squish stain on your wall. And it adds about 2 1/2 feet to your reach. And it uses no batteries. It’s genius, really. I often hand’em out on those occasions when social conventions dictate that, to maintain order within the fabric of civilization, gifts must be given. People think it’s a cheapo crap present until the next time they find a scorpion in the shower, and then they’re all “I don’t know how I ever lived without my BugZooka!” and they shower me with thanks through tears of gratitude.
As you can see from the photo, a typical wasp infestation at Dreadful Acres is child’s play for the BugZooka. I only wish they made a larger model that would suck up my feral hogs. If it had a sausage-maker attachment, so much the better.