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Apr 18

Infestation du jour

As I mentioned the other day, my life is a constant battle against assorted life forms united by the common goal of taking over my bunkhouse by any means necessary. Thus, for the second morning in a row, did I awaken to discover the mud room alive with dozens of paper wasps. It is always disappointing to entertain flying, stinging insects before coffee, but one must soldier on. I cannot fathom how these wasps are getting in, but I do know how they’re getting out. I’m suckin’em up with my BugZooka, baby.

Paper wasps collected in a BugZooka tube were released after modeling in this photo shoot.

Paper wasps collected in a BugZooka tube were released after modeling in this photo shoot.

The BugZooka is a child’s toy I found online. It’s a long plastic tube with a bellows on one end and a bug-catching nozzle on the other. You squeeze the bellows, lock it in place, position the nozzle within an inch of the bug, and press the release button. The bellows instantly inflate, sucking the bug into a little escape-proof compartment. This contraption may look dorky, but it is superior to a rolled-up newspaper because it doesn’t kill the bug, so you can release it back into the wild or, in the case of the venomous brown recluse spider, explain that it’s nothing personal but you’re gonna have to stomp it.

Also, the BugZooka won’t leave a squish stain on your wall. And it adds about 2 1/2 feet to your reach. And it uses no batteries. It’s genius, really. I often hand’em out on those occasions when social conventions dictate that, to maintain order within the fabric of civilization, gifts must be given. People think it’s a cheapo crap present until the next time they find a scorpion in the shower, and then they’re all “I don’t know how I ever lived without my BugZooka!” and they shower me with thanks through tears of gratitude.

As you can see from the photo, a typical wasp infestation at Dreadful Acres is child’s play for the BugZooka. I only wish they made a larger model that would suck up my feral hogs. If it had a sausage-maker attachment, so much the better.

6 comments

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  1. ChariD

    Love it! I am now on a mission to find a BugZooka. Amazon.com awaits and the spiders have no idea what’s coming.

  2. The Crone of Cottonmouth County

    You won’t regret it.

  3. ew_nc

    The BugZooka sounds like the perfect solution to the stinkbug infestation we got going here in the Southeast. Certainly can’t squish or swat those malodorous entities, PHEW!

    Thanks Twisty!

  4. Belle

    Twisty, you should get commissions for this thing! Available on amazon at $24!

  5. 2DogsFarm

    Oooooh!
    Finally!
    The Solution to the increasing # of centipede squishmarks on my BR walls!

    For some reason these things creep me out more than spiders.
    Maybe 8 is my tolerance limit for legs?

    Whenever we get some damp weather these oogy things seem to materialize.
    Only in my BR and inevitably when a tired 2Dogs is headed for beddy-bye, head nearly on the pillow, when I spot one frozen mid-stride(?), attempting to activate its cloaking device, on my light blue walls.

    To date my Weapon of Choice has been a Swiffer that does the job, but usually leaves a centipede shmear as a reminder.

    Gonna get me a BugZooka.
    Ayup.

  6. Antoinette Niebieszczanski

    My Weapon of Choice against the horrible centipedes used to be Freeze-n-Shine hairspray. It was perfect for immobilizing the things when it dried. Sadly, they don’t make it anymore. And yes, they adore dampness.

    Next paycheck, Ima score me a BugZooka. It will also help with the infestation of the mud wasps (Waspi Dangerosa!) that will follow later on this summer. They build nests under my overhang, inside the gas grill, and even up the tubes of a bamboo wind chime. They’re like flying darning needles with ugly dispositions. I won’t use toxic chemicals, and swatting the boogers isn’t an option because I don’t dare piss them off — I’m allergic.

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