Tag Archive: veterinary calamities

Dec 03

Chronic affliction blows crone’s lobe

Everything a crone needs to combat oozing lumpomas.

By the shaking jumping ghost of Jehosaphat (by which oath crones occasionally swear when they’ve already yagged out “god fucking dammit to hell are you fucking kidding me” about 67 times and are then inclined toward a brief, restful phase of ironic 19th-century folksiness), I tell you I can’t stand it another minute. By gum. …

Continue reading »

Nov 17

Stella takes it in the teeth

I thought I might go a week without a veterinary encounter of the third kind. Ha! Just as I was burrowing into the couch with crone-appropriate shawl over my shoulders and a big steaming bowl of jambalaya in my lap, my hateful iPhone chirped the news that it was time for Stella’s 6-month dental checkup. …

Continue reading »

Nov 10

Ginger Rogers’ massive swelling baffles science

Behold Ginger Rogers’ awesome pair of pus-bags. Well, technically they’re not pus-bags. The vet says “generalized cellulitis.” Well, what does she know? ‘Pus-bags’ is more poetic, and therefore more accurate. In any event, the facts are these: poor Ginger Rogers is afflicted with a hideous oozing inflammation, as well as with 15 or 20 hard, …

Continue reading »

Nov 07

Ginger Rogers afflicted

Well, it’s official. Ginger Rogers has onchocerciasis. That’s right. Parasitic worms living in the connective tissue in her neck — and may I say holy shit — have migrated to her umbilicus and are causing a crusty, weepy edema about the size of a grapefruit. Shoot me now. ___________ Photo: Ginger Rogers’ swollen belly button …

Continue reading »

Nov 04

Why horses suck: Reason #174

This is my fat hunter, Ginger Rogers. Before coming to Dreadful Acres, Ginger Rogers lived in boarding barns her whole life. She was incarcerated with no turnout and got fed according to the industry standard, two times a day. This funky situation, combined with her natural alpha-mare charm, encouraged her to develop food aggression. This …

Continue reading »